Let me preface this next paragraph by saying that I am totally aware of how ridiculous I am. And yes, I know I’m only eighteen and have a whole life ahead of me and shouldn’t wish my days away. But I can’t really change how my thought processes are and who I am at my core. Those that really know me will think my Lent sacrifice is exactly what I need and will probably get a good kick out of it too :)
For Lent, I’m giving up the thought of marriage. This isn’t to say I plan to never get married or that I am abandoning all hope to get married, but if I’m honest with myself about what takes up a lot of my time, it’s some form of the thought of marriage. When I meet a guy, I immediately identify them as “marriage material” or not. I can’t help it! It’s not that I want to get married RIGHT NOW, but I am definitely ready to meet someone. And because I don’t date without a purpose, or date someone who doesn’t have the characteristics I would want in a husband, marriage just tends to always be on my mind.
One day my friend asked me “Why do you insist on wearing makeup and fixing your hair before always going out?” I tried to make it a joke by saying, “Because every day is a potential day to meet my husband for the first time.” The more I thought about my “joking” response, the more I realized how serious I was.
If I replace the time I spend fantasizing over something I can’t magically make appear- like a boyfriend or future husband- with time with God, I have no doubt that I’d make so much spiritual progress. The bible says that God is supposed to be our portion for everything we need, that we’re supposed to turn to HIM. God gives us what we need when we need it, I really do believe that. So if I started practicing it, I know that my faith in God and His faithfulness to me will feel more secure. Therefore, every time a boyfriend-marriage-family related thought pops in my head, I will immediately pray and spend time in God’s Word instead. I know that as a young girl, the priority shouldn’t be finding a husband, but rather preparing myself to be the Godly woman and wife I’ve been called to be for a husband.
For Lent, I’m going to allow God to be the keeper of my heart that I know He already is. By making GOD that love of my life, my life will be more ready to receive love. I won’t have the need to give my love away if I’m giving it to the One who deserves is more than any man.
-Madalyn Payge <3
“The LORD is my portion; I have promised to keep Your words” –Psalm 119:54